We were married already for over a year, trying to have a baby, with no luck. We were in a rut, constantly arguing over the smallest things, but in my mind, we were doing okay. That was until we decided to take a break, probably get divorced and give up on what we had been working on for a long time. Our love seemed to have been over, or what little was left, we didn’t think it was worth fighting for anymore.
I felt lost, angry at God, for once again putting me through heartache and disappointment. I was finally feeling connected to God and suddenly my whole world collapsed right in front of me. I went into a deep depression, drank more than I should, and became so bitter with the world. Suddenly, my friends became my saving grace, they took me out, reminded me of who I was before. I dressed up just because I wanted to, did my makeup, and I felt like I was loving myself again.
I prayed more, of course I would constantly cry, but I talked to God. And then, my heart was about to break a little more right when I thought I was healing. I got the call from my mom telling me my grandfather passed away. One of the men in my life who helped me through my toughest moments. I was finding myself not angry at God, but praying for my grandfather to reunite with my grandmother. I felt peace, I decided to do things I would never try, find adventure, live my life.
Joey and I both did just that, live our lives. Eventually we found ourselves falling in love again, but this time, even harder than we ever were before. It was my 25th birthday and he asked me with my engagement ring, “do you want to try this again? I love you.” A lot more was said, but that’s a moment I will never forget. I felt the change we both went through. We prioritized our marriage and our love. One month later, I found myself taking a pregnancy test wondering if we finally were going to start a family.
There it was, the positive test. We tried so hard for nearly a year to have a baby, but God needed us to be truly in love with one another again. We finally were. Fast forward five years later and we are now in a different place, with two beautiful little girls, a house, and love in our home. I constantly struggle with feeling like I am a “bad” Catholic because I don’t show God my gratitude as I should. But He knows. He knows the pain I had in my heart, the hate, the anger, which now is complete gratitude, God saved my marriage, and honestly, He saved my life.